|
|
This Is Why
Because I am alive and glad of it,
because the days are gifts although I did not always know it,
because I might never have been alive,
because I did not die in childhood,
I lived and was glad of it and wanted to live more.
Because I lived, you lived, although I feared for you.
Because you lived, the pain was unimportant,
I paid no attention to it, I failed to heal the pain.
Because I kept on living, others lived,
because they lived I tried to keep on living.
Because life and the days are gifts and I thought you knew it,
because I had learned to live with difficulty,
because I loved you and trusted you to live ...
I trusted wrong.
I failed to keep you living,
I failed to give you days that were gifts.
The whole world failed to keep you living.
I could not thank the gift of you enough,
I did not pay enough attention to your pain.
Because your courage followed a skewed compass
my heart broke and my tongue froze, watching you.
I did not know, I did not know your road.
Because I am alive and glad of it,
because the days are gifts although I did not always know it,
because I might never have been alive,
because I did not die in childhood,
I lived and was glad of it and wanted to live more.
Because I lived, you lived, although I feared for you.
Because you lived, the pain was unimportant,
I paid no attention to it, I failed to heal the pain.
Because I kept on living, others lived,
because they lived I tried to keep on living.
Because life and the days are gifts and I thought you knew it,
because I had learned to live with difficulty,
because I loved you and trusted you to live ...
I trusted wrong.
I failed to keep you living,
I failed to give you days that were gifts.
The whole world failed to keep you living.
I could not thank the gift of you enough,
I did not pay enough attention to your pain.
Because your courage followed a skewed compass
my heart broke and my tongue froze, watching you.
I did not know, I did not know your road.
Poetry by Nan Adams (con't)
Because it is right that I grieve when the leaves
whisper,
grieve when I remember your love
or when I remember my love for you,
grieve when I give your books away,
because it is right that I grieve for my ignorance,
it is right that I grieve for what you knew
and for what you did not know,
for what we knew and did not know.
Because you did not live, you achieved death.
Because I did not die I achieved life,
I did not die, have not died yet.
Because I live with all these gifts of days,
I would divide them with you if I could.
Because I am glad to have the days,
because your pain tempts me to be ashamed of pleasure
and I refuse that evil,
because I love you and I love my days,
I love the days I had with you.
I love the days that are so full
of living time and space they stretch and creak.
Because I love you and will always love you,
because I thank God that you lived at all,
I offer you my peace,
the only gift I have for you, this year,
this time, this place.
grieve when I remember your love
or when I remember my love for you,
grieve when I give your books away,
because it is right that I grieve for my ignorance,
it is right that I grieve for what you knew
and for what you did not know,
for what we knew and did not know.
Because you did not live, you achieved death.
Because I did not die I achieved life,
I did not die, have not died yet.
Because I live with all these gifts of days,
I would divide them with you if I could.
Because I am glad to have the days,
because your pain tempts me to be ashamed of pleasure
and I refuse that evil,
because I love you and I love my days,
I love the days I had with you.
I love the days that are so full
of living time and space they stretch and creak.
Because I love you and will always love you,
because I thank God that you lived at all,
I offer you my peace,
the only gift I have for you, this year,
this time, this place.